BOOK “When All is Said” by Anne Griffin
I’m here to remember – all that I have been and all that I will never be again
It has been a few years that I have been interested in how the brain perceives information, how it produces our thoughts and feelings, how brain reacts to learning, how and why it generates anxiety.
It all started with listening to Tatyana Chernigovskaya on YouTube during the pandemics (here are a few links). In 2021, I read two books that started changing my perception of teaching: Make it Stick as well as The Brain that Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Multiple notes have been made and analyzed. Multiple questions posed and left unanswered.
“It’s the autumn colors that get me. It’s the earth of it, the trees, the leaves, the late evening sky. Its smell, so full of life that it catches in my throat before it’s even touched my lips, sending a shiver down my spine.”
Since I consider myself an avid reader, I have always wanted to have a Bookclub where ladies meet and discuss a monthly book. Back in August, I asked my sister Poli and our girlfriend Maddison if they would be willing to be a part of a bookclub. Maddison also found two lovely ladies willing to participate (Hi Maria and Katharine!). It was in September that my boyfriend and my sister reminded me of the idea, which prompted me to create a WhatsApp group, where we would share our book choices and then (quite democratically I find) vote for the book of the month. We also decided we would meet the first Sunday of each month over a coffee/ tea and discuss the chosen book.
On the second of October we got together to share our feelings and thoughts on the book titled ‘When All is Said’ by Anne Griffin. We all agreed that the blurb did not quite match the overall vibe of the book. It was heartbreaking and devastating, though provoking a wonderful myriad of ideas.
The book tells us the story of an elderly Irish gentleman who raises 5 toasts to 5 people who all played pivotal roles in his life. All 5 have been dear to him. All 5 he has lost. One of the Discussion questions in the book asks what Maurice regrets most in his life? To me, it was that he always put his business and work over the interests of his loved ones. To my friends, it was the idea that he was not capable of openly and vulnerably expressing his feelings. It was also that he was not able to let go of the multiple grudges he withheld. All ideas made me contemplate even more.
Another most interesting question asked who the five people would be I would raise toasts to. Of course, the natural answer is my family and the man I love, who completely cherishes and respects me with all my pain, joy, troubles, and desires. But… How could I really choose the five people from my family and friends when I have so many more that I love and that gave me so much tenderness in return? Instead, I would perhaps choose the people who affected me as a teacher (in no order of importance):
- Svetlana Nikolaevna (piano teacher) who inspired me to love the music and finish the seven-year-long piano school. Though I do not play the piano anymore, I still love classical musi
- vetlana N. also taught me that discipline and a knack for challenge can take you a very long way.
- Tatiana Sergeevna (English tutor) who inspired me to love English when in junior high. She taught me that English is not as difficult as other teachers made it appear in my eyes. She motivated me to learn more, study more, explore more. She never gave much homework, but after each class my brain literally hurt. Thank you for making me a wonderful teacher.
- Professor Andronov (Moscow State Italian history prof) who failed me on the exam by asking the three rules of Newton (how is that related to history?) I got sick, had to retake the exam, and passed it. I have always disliked history (and nothing has changed since then), but after having failed the exam and having faced potential exclusion in the third year of studies, I started studying much better appreciating every single moment of learning exchange.
- Professor Kudinova (Moscow State Italian language prof) who hired me as a tutor for her niece. Thanks to her, and without particularly wanting to (at first) I started tutoring students in English (and then Italian) and completely … irrevocably … for good. I fell in love with teaching.
- Dance School ‘Santi’ (Moscow) who inspired me to be a better ballroom dancer. Thanks to the school, I discovered what stamina and perseverance do to you as a human being and a teacher. I also learned how to smile even when you are so exhausted that you can barely stand.
The first bookclub was even better than I expected because on top of the book discussion, all participants had a chance to express their vulnerabilities and fears, which will all stay among us. I cherish these moments a lot. They make me feel complete. Thank you.
—– A few quotes (just for me to peruse) from the book —–
“I sat there wondering how I could ever explain the many truths of it all, the motivation behind what I had done ten years prior when I didn’t understand it fully myself. How would it have sounded? I did it because you reminded me of a ghost.” – Maurice words when meeting up with Emily and discussing the investment deal over steak dinner
“I wish now I’d wrapped my arms around you and cried on your shoulder and given you the chance to do the same… I didn’t have the room for your grief as well as my own, it seemed”- Maurice pondering on his decision to do business rather than listen to his wife who was saying she stopped feeling the baby at 8 months – “what a fool I’d been, what a damned stupid fool, allowing a piece of land and a handshake to rule me.”
“While my parents had long given up coaxing and pushing me out the door, Tony never stopped telling me I was full of greatness. People didn’t really do that back then, encourage and support. You were threatened into being who you were supposed to be.”
“Does Kevin love Kevin? .. Because if you love this wee boy, and you are always kind to him and always try to understand him then I think he will be the happiest little man in the whole wild world.”
“No one really knows loss until it’s someone you love. The deep-down kind of love that holds on to your bones and dogs itself right in under your fingernails, as hard to budge as the years of compacted earth. And when it’s gone … it’s all as if it’s been ripped from you. Raw and exposed, you stand dripping blood all over the good carpet. Half-human, half-dead…”
